Consider the following:
- Does the paragraph have a clear topic sentence that supports your main claim?
- Does the evidence in the paragraph support the topic sentence?
- Is there better evidence available that would add weight to the support of your topic sentence?
- Does the analysis of the evidence lead back to your main claim?
Then examine the paragraph for wording:
- Read the paragraph aloud.
- Look at your nouns. Are they concrete? Do they effectively describe the person, place, thing or idea that you are attempting to communicate?
- Do you overuse adjectives to get your point across?
- Look at your verbs. How many "to be" verbs do you see? Could you take out or replace that verb with a stronger one?
- Do you overuse adverbs to get your point across?
- Do you unnecessarily repeat words or phrases to get your point across?
Do your final edit of the paragraph by considering:
- Read the paragraph aloud one more time (or have someone else read the paragraph to you), and climb into the shoes of your audience.
- Pause on commas. Stop on periods. Use a different voice for quotations. As silly as this may sound, this is how your reader might interpret your writing.
- Is your writing clear? If not, try rearranging words, and/or lengthening or shortening sentences.
Now, rewrite the paragraph in its best incarnation and post it here.
Due before class on Feb. 17th.
Supporters claim that boot camps help juveniles to grow and change in positive ways and contend that juveniles get far more educational opportunities, counseling, and treatment than they would have received in traditional detention. They claim that the structure and control boot camps exert make participants safer from fights and victimization from other inmates as well as that boot camps build camaraderie with other juveniles, respect for the instructors, and improved stamina and health for the juveniles. Supporters of the system also argue that boot camps help to alleviate overcrowding and are a cheaper alternative than prison while reducing recidivism among juvenile offenders.
ReplyDeleteThe left side of the brain tends to have more extroverted people. They are likely to succeed in sequential, logical, and rational thought processes. Memorizing, spelling, vocabulary, language and mathematical formulas come easy to them also. Left brains will make decisions on logic, proof, and facts. Dealing with the world the way it is realistically. Note though, not all extroverts are left brained, there are many extroverts who express themselves creatively with their right brains. This hemisphere helps extroverts adjust easily to fit their environment. Finding structure and coming up with rules when there are none is how they function. Left brained people can consider jobs in a cubical office while a right brain does not. Left brain people often receives more attention in academic standards because of the requirements for math, writing, and speaking. Extroverts get energy from outward interaction. Extroverts like action, most likely are an optimist, can get easily bored and impatient with slow jobs and slow people, enjoy talking on the phone, and work well under pressure. Gaining energy as they express themselves verbally to bunch of different outlets boost their stamina. Society easily accepts extrovert qualities in a person over qualities like an introverts has.(White, 88-95)
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ReplyDeleteBecause conspiracy theories are tough to disprove, obsessions over conspiracy theories have significantly grown. Belief in some of the conspiracy theories is not so far-fetched when looking at some of the allegations made. Researchers believe there are three basic reasons why people believe in conspiracy theories; they choose to be victims of society, fear or rejection of the truth that society has been victimized and the belief of feeling powerless or weak. (Thresher-Andrews) Society also labels a believer as mentally ill or delusional if there is no other explanation. Although, society marks believers of conspiracy theories mentally ill, the appeal and motivation toward conspiracy theories root from political cynicism and cognitive dissonance. (KOERTH-BAKER)
ReplyDeleteThresher-Andrews, pages 5-8 (http://www.psypag.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Issue-88.pdf)
Koerth-Baker, page 1(http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/26/magazine/why-rational-people-buy-into-conspiracy-theories.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0)
Several factors can increase the frequency and potency of déjà vu occurrences. It’s logical to believe that a person with substantial world travels would have more opportunity to experience déjà vu than a less travelled person just due to encountering more and varied physical environments. People who don’t travel have an 11% incidence of experiencing déjà vu while 32% of people who do travel experience déjà vu (Placeholder1). Studies also show positive correlations between education and déjà vu incidence, with higher educated people having more likelihood of experiencing déjà vu (Placeholder3). Even seemingly unrelated factors, such as political affiliations play a part. Political liberals have a better chance of experiencing the phenomena than the politically conservative (Placeholder2).
ReplyDeleteSex discrimination in the workplace can occur when someone is being treated unequal solely based on their gender. If there is a specific job that is associated with one gender and someone from the opposite gender obtains that position, there could be potential for discrimination to take place and that can often affect their pay. The 2001 U.S Census Bureau shows that women working full time jobs only make an average of 69 cents to every dollar a man makes. One explanation for this is the difference of roles that men and women play in society. Women who have family obligations may find the jobs flexibility and benefits for appealing than the actual pay itself. However, women make up over 40 percent of the full time job positions and there is still a large pay gap that occurs between sexes.
ReplyDeleteMichaela Pakenham
ReplyDelete“As individuals and as a nation, we now suffer from social narcissism. The beloved Echo of our ancestors, the virgin America, has been abandoned. We have fallen in love with our own image, with images of our making, which turn out to be images of ourselves.” Those words, spoken by author and historian Daniel J Boorstin reflect a common opinion amongst scholars and psychologists in regard to modern American culture. The production of technology and the use of social media sites (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc.) have created a society that has become self-absorbed and focused on image. Anyone can start an account on Facebook and create the image they desire to promote to the world. In recent years, American leaders and celebrities have used the social media sites for self-promotion and as result; have gained recognition and a following amongst many people world-wide, allowing them to reach stardom and success. The American society, mostly focused on image and instant gratification, have observed the success and have started to mimic behaviors in hopes of reaching the same levels of success and recognition. Most recently, studies have linked the growing rate of narcissism with the use of social media.
Work cited:
DeleteMalikhao, Patchanee, Servaes, Jan. "The media use of American youngsters in the age of narcissism*" "Surviving in a 24/7 media shock and awe-- distracted by everything." Elsevier Telematics and Informatics. Print. May 20, 2010.
Mentally ill criminals are often mistreated in prisons. Prison guards ignore or mistreat the mentally ill criminals in their care. In most cases these inmates are punished for their deficiencies. When they are loud or not following the rules they are penalized for something that is not completely within their control. Inmates are commonly either undertreated or mistreated in their mental capabilities, they are either not getting the treatment that they need or they are perceived as, nothing is wrong with them they are simply disobedient to society’s way of being. The mistreatment of mentally ill criminals is not an uncommon thing in the U.S. prison systems.
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ReplyDeleteOriginal:
ReplyDeleteHip-Hop is a subculture started in the United States in the South Bronx of New York in the early 1970's, comprised of four primary elements. Those elements are break dancing DJ-ing, graffiti, and emceeing (i.e: 'rhyming' 'rapping'), followed by it's branches such as fashion, slang, technology, and genres of it's music produced, in which all set the foundation for its expression. Hip-Hop was created as a means to promote civil rights and anti-violent perspectives for everyone in the ghetto neighborhoods, therefore a positive lifestyle. It also was utilized for self-identification and social status by the Black and Latino youth for the benefit of their communities. This grew into global force and multi-billion dollar industry more throughout over the forty years of its existence. Record companies created record deals for the emcees, and then America's corporations marketed the albums produced along with the fashions and technologies related to the music and culture. Thus, is the culture of Hip-Hop motivated purely by the elements used for social change for a positive lifestyle, or is all of that a mask for a foundational motive to make money?
Revised:
Hip-Hop is a subculture started in the United States in the South Bronx of New York in the early 1970's, comprised of four primary elements. Those elements expressed are break dancing, DJ-ing, graffiti, and emceeing, followed by its branches such as fashion, slang, technology, and the production of its music. Hip-Hop was created as a means to promote civil rights and anti-violent perspectives for the ghetto neighborhoods. It also was utilized for self-identification and social status by the Black and Latino youth for the benefit of their communities. This was the culture's ideal for a positive lifestyle. This grew into global force and multi-billion dollar industry throughout the forty years of its existence. Record companies created record deals for the emcees, and then America's corporations marketed the albums produced along with the fashions and technologies related to the music and culture. Critics point out that very little of the profits went back into the ghetto communities to bring about the social change it was meant to achieve. (Michael, Ralph "Hip-Hop."; Brunson III, James E. "Showing, Seeing: Hip-Hop, Visual Culture, And The Show-And-Tell Performance.") This raises the question whether Hip-Hop is motivated purely by the elements used for social change for a positive lifestyle, or is all of that a mask for a foundational motive to make money?
Sources:
• Brunson III, James E. "Showing, Seeing: Hip-Hop, Visual Culture, And The Show-And-Tell Performance." Black History Bulletin 74.1 (2011): 6-12. Academic Search Complete. Web. 5 Feb. 2014.
• Ralph, Michael. "Hip-Hop." Social Text 27.3_100 (2009): 141-146. Academic Search Complete. Web. 5 Feb. 2014.
You Can”t Work Off Bad Health
ReplyDeleteDieting can be one of the hardest things for people to keep up with and stay on track. Most people do not realize that it happens to be a crucial part of actually keeping weight off. However, corporations have in-bedded into our minds that we must follow their programs to give them profit. When in reality there are many other alternatives to becoming healthier on natural remedies. Todays society has become grossly adapted with being overweight. Human beings were not meant to be as overweight as we have become. In the times of hunter gathering we as a race were more fit then we are today. Women naturally have more weight then males due to them tending to the living area and raising children while men ran around for food needing to be nimble and agile. Throughout this essay I will discuss how people can lose weight in a healthy way so as to cleans all the imperfections brought on by processed food.