- Consider the different ways that authors begin their academic essays or books: telling a personal story regarding the conversation at hand (consider the Davidson essay; establish a personal connection with your audience), asking a question (this could be your academic question), establishing a basis for the conversation/context (consider the Teare and Hade essays), or using a quotation (either from one of your sources, or from an expert on your particular conversation/claim--see "From Silence to Words: Writing as a Struggle" from Inquiry, page 989).
- Think about how other writers/composers make claims, and how those claims are presented (either from your current reading, your 121 reading, or from recent news articles or newscasts; even comedy sketches have claims that comedians state near the beginning of their acts).
- State your audience.
- Write a paragraph or two with an element of #1, and your main claim.
Do not state 1 & 2 in your response. Just use them to compose #4.
Due before class on Feb. 19th.
Reply to a classmate: Remark on how your classmate has begun his/her essay. If you believe the beginning could get the intended audience interested in reading the rest of the essay, say so, and mention why. If the beginning needs improvement in getting the attention of the stated audience, ask a question. For example: Why do you think that your audience would prefer a quote over a personal story? You mention that your audience is mothers, and mothers sometimes prefer a deeper connection with a writer or speaker when discussing their children.
Keep your language professional. For your reply, your classmate is your audience. Follow that titanium rule: comment unto others as you believe they would best receive that comment.
Reply by noon on Feb. 20th. (since the paper is due on the 21st).
There are so many different kinds of people in this world. If the world is always looking for the "best", would it choose the quiet student on the bleachers reading or the student who’s announcing activities at the assembly? Digging a little deeper people tend to lead into an even bigger question. Who are more likely to succeed, extroverts or introverts?
ReplyDeleteMy audience are people who want to be informed or are interested about how introverts and extroverts interact with the world.
I like how you started off the paragraph with the two different types of discriptions, it gave me a mental picture of the two types of people there are. It made me more interested to read the rest.
Delete“Child pageantry: A way for girls to express themselves to win awards and money? Or a market to sexually exploit young girls in the name of vanity? Though however cute it may be to see a toddler prance around in a gown and try and speak to the host in their child-like voices during their interview, do we really want to subject our children to narcissism? Or perhaps the pedophiles that may be in the audience or at home watching the television aired pageant?” - This is how I started my paper. I have never been in pageantry, so I cannot give a personal story. However, I feel like asking a question is always a good way to start off a paper. You give the reader something to think about while they're reading. Personally I enjoy being asked a question before reading a paper.
ReplyDeleteYou have a strong thesis through out the first paragraph, but I would rewrite the first sentence as more of a statement than a question to make your point sound stronger. It makes sense what you're asking but if you use a statement that shows your stand on this issue, but worded in a way to challenge your audience to question child pageantry, you may be more likely to grab their attention immediately.
DeleteChocolate has been the delectable sweet treat since its invention. It is sweet to the taste and for some addictive to let go of. It even has some benefits that are healthy to the body. Chocolate, like any other sweet product is to be taken in moderate consumption. Over-consumption can cause ill effects that can contribute to bodily obesity. Consumers should be aware that chocolate has positive and negative health effects.
ReplyDeleteMy audience is consumers who buy sweets, especially chocolate.
I believe the thesis is great, but I have to wonder if "it and it is" has been used to many times. You may want to find a way to narrow them down, or rephrase the sentence. Overall, great job but while I was reading I seemed to get hung up on how many times "it" was used. I felt like I was being distracted.
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ReplyDeleteAre juveniles less likely to re-offend if they are sentenced to a juvenile boot camp rather than the normal course of incarceration? The juvenile boot camps were built around the same concept of those used for adults, but offer counseling and education as well. The goal of the corrections system for deferring the young offender's sentence to one of these facilities is to educate, build self-esteem and confidence and reintegrate the young offender into society with the hope of reducing recidivism.
ReplyDeleteMy target audience for this essay is people that may be interested in a career involving social work or corrections that deal specifically with juvenile offenders.
I liked how you posed a question that most dont really ask on normal circumstances and then answer it with what the intention actually is, which I did not know. Good work and keep at it! :) I usually compare my stuff to yours cause you got a pretty good gist of this stuff lol
Delete“What do you call a conspiracy theory that is backed up by evidence, Oh yes, a conspiracy.” (Shircore) Merriam-Webster defines conspiracy theory as an event or set of circumstances, as the result of a secret plot by usually powerful conspirators. (Webster) Because conspiracy theories are tough to disprove, obsessions over conspiracy theories have significantly grown. Beliefs in some of the conspiracy theories are not so far-fetched when looking at some of the allegations. Researchers believe there are three basic reasons why people believe in conspiracy theories; they choose to be victims of society, fear or rejection of the truth that society has been victimized and the belief of feeling powerless or weak. (Thresher-Andrews) Society, believes one is hysterical, mentally ill or delusional if one has conflicting beliefs. Although, society marks believers of conspiracy theories mentally ill, the appeal and motivation toward conspiracy theories root from political cynicism and cognitive dissonance. (KOERTH-BAKER)
ReplyDeleteMy target audience would be the general public, specifically the individuals throughout society that seem close-minded and believe others are mentally ill or delusional if their beliefs are not the norm.
This is a good beginning. the opening caught my attention quite well. The only suggestion I would make is to not use so many quotes out of the gate. It makes things more compelling if they are explained instead of using quotes from other authors. The opening quote is good but I would stop them there.
DeleteI liked how you started your paragraph. It grabs the readers attention, actually thats how I ended up here. You gave different definitions and reasons about what you are talking about and it wil set up the rest of your paper well. Good job!
DeleteThe lawyer. He is seen as the despised, disgusting, and reviled creature of mankind who is perceived as sleazy, immoral, and corrupt to the very core. They are trained to lie and paid well to do it. Jonathan Swift’s resentment for their breed is confirmed through his work Gulliver’s Travels in which Gulliver describes them in the simplest of ways. “ . . . there was a society of men among us, bred up from their youth in the art of proving by words multiplied for the purpose, that white is black and black is white, according as they are paid.” (Swift 266) However, one would be foolish to not respect them. While their intentions and reasons to twist words for their own gain is inexcusable, their gift of speech and word play are great and should be prized. Masters of rhetoric, they are aware that no thing is unattainable through words. They charm listeners with ethos, connect to their audience emotionally with pathos, and convince them with reason using logos. These three modes of persuasion and rhetoric are what have made even the most dangerous of poisons in history not only appetizing and edible, but succulent and flavorsome as well.
ReplyDeleteMain Claim: Sure Im going to need to edit and redo it, but the main gist is that using Rhetoric can be either good or bad.
DeleteI enjoyed the imagery that your first couple of sentences provided, it helped me to keep reading with interest to your topic. I also liked your impressive word choices you made.
DeleteWhat happens to mentally unstable criminals when they are sent to jail are they treated as criminals or patients? Mental illness is something everyone has heard of, be it from a family member, a friend, or on the television where a court case is being aired. Mentally ill criminals are prosecuted and sent to prison and in cases, mistreated. The mind is a complex thing that does not always work in what society deems the correct way. When something is not as society deems society has trouble understanding it. Mentally ill criminals are not understood, they are often ignored by prison guards and mistreated do this misunderstanding.
ReplyDeleteMy audience is anyone interested in what happens to mentally ill criminals they see on TV or hear about after the court case is over, the people interested in how the justice system treats mentally ill criminals.
“As individuals and as a nation, we now suffer from social narcissism. The beloved Echo of our ancestors, the virgin America, has been abandoned. We have fallen in love with our own image, with images of our making, which turn out to be images of ourselves.” Those words, spoken by author and historian Daniel J Boorstin reflect a common opinion amongst scholars and psychologists in regard to modern American culture. The production of technology and the use of social media sites (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc.) have created a society that has become self-absorbed and focused on image. Anyone can start an account on Facebook and create the image they desire to promote to the world. In recent years, American leaders and celebrities have used the social media sites for self-promotion and as result; have gained recognition and a following amongst many people world-wide, allowing them to reach stardom and success. The American society, mostly focused on image and instant gratification, have observed the success and have started to mimic behaviors in hopes of reaching the same levels of success and recognition. Most recently, studies have linked the growing rate of narcissism with the use of social media.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever wanted to lose weight without killing yourself in the gym or staving yourself on the newest diets? Dieting is one of the hardest things for people to do and keep up with or stay on track. Most people do not realize that properly dieting is a crucial part of losing unwanted weight. This will not work by starving yourself nor taking the dietary supplement, Sensa, which tricks (the body) you into thinking you (it is) are full, hence staving yourself. This process will not come in any supplement form, but comes from hard work and dedication. Healthy eating is where you can jumpstart your body in the correct way to get it into a state of processing your intake to energize your body for a workout. Historically speaking Human beings are not designed to be overweight. Today’s world (in modern times), the reason most people fail in eating the proper foods is because processed foods are so tasty and eating healthy can taste super bitter. By cleansing the body of toxins before beginning this endeavor will prepare the body to process dieting function properly before going to the gym.
ReplyDeleteMy target audience is the general public that is wondering why things they have tried in the past have never worked. Maybe they were never told this information.
All people were created equal. Equality is something that has been taught and talked about throughout time. Women should be treated as equals to men and men to women. The term "wage cap" has been thrown around for quite some time. Some people pay no mind to this issue, others, however, have very strong opinions about the matter. Gender pay discrimination may sound like yet another feminist argument that not a lot of people take seriously. However, the pay gap has not budged in a bout a decade. Full time working women still made the same amount less than men in 2012, as they did in 2002. Women everywhere experience gender pay discrimination. Some are better than others, some are worse. The pay wage gap is also worse for women of color. Why is this still occurring? When given the same job title, men generally make more than women.
ReplyDeleteMy audience would be anyone trying to get educated on equality as well as women's rights.
I honestly thought that was a solid thesis, especially with the reference of the of what women made in 2002 compared to what they made in 2012, it gives a nice use of pathos and logos. Of course, I'd love to see your proof and citing in the rest of the paper, and I saw one spelling error. I really like your flow from the beginning to end, I though that would definitly hit that audience that's trying to get educated on equality as well as women's rights. Keep it up!
Delete*revised*
DeleteI honestly thought that was a solid thesis, especially with the reference of what women made in 2002 compared to what they made in 2012, it gives a nice use of pathos and logos. Of course, I'd love to see your proof and citing in the rest of the paper, and I saw one spelling error. I really like your flow from the beginning to end, I though that would definitly hit that audience that's trying to get educated on equality as well as women's rights. Keep it up!
Hip-Hop is a subculture started in the United States in the South Bronx of New York in the early 1970's, comprised of four primary elements. Those elements are break dancing, DJ-ing, graffiti, and emceeing (i.e: 'rhyming' 'rapping'), followed by it's branches such as fashion, slang, technology, and genre of the music produced, in which all set the foundation for its expression. Hip-Hop was created as a means to promote civil rights and anti-violent perspectives for everyone in the ghetto neighborhoods, overall a positive lifestyle. It also was utilized for self-identification and social status by the Black and Latino youth for the benefit of their communities. (Brunson III 1, Ralph 141-42) This grew into a global force and a multi-billion dollar industry bought over the forty years of its existence. Record companies created record deals for the emcees, and then America's corporations marketed the albums produced along with the fashions and technologies related. This seemed to give Hip-Hop a commoditized look when presented to the public and the artists, and not fulfilling it's positive motives. This would be the critique of Michael Ralph, who states that, "Put another way, the idea that commodification has displaced a genuine concern with social change is what rappers and public intellectuals tend to say about each other." (Ralph 142-43) Despite the claims that the true essence of Hip-Hop is dead, I argue that there is living proof that Hip-Hop has been alive the whole time.
ReplyDeleteSources:
• Brunson III, James E. "Showing, Seeing: Hip-Hop, Visual Culture, And The Show-And-Tell Performance." Black History Bulletin 74.1 (2011): 6-12. Academic Search Complete. Web. 5 Feb. 2014.
• Ralph, Michael. "Hip-Hop." Social Text 27.3_100 (2009): 141-146. Academic Search Complete. Web. 5 Feb. 2014.
My audience is those who have been skeptical about the music industry, particularly in the realm of Hip-Hop. This is also directed towards Hip-Hop enthusiasts.
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