Directions: Write your paragraph of definition using one (or two) of your sources that address your question (your thesis). Think about what your audience will need to know in order for you to effectively write your argument. This is certainly more complex than, "According to Webster, terrorism is defined as..." You will need to explore how your source(s) approach the topic, and make it approachable to their audience (i.e. you). To help your classmates' responses, please name your audience as you have identified it for this particular phase.
Reply: Find a classmate's blog that has no reply, and post how you believe s/he might improve his/her paragraph. If you are not the audience, consider the audience in what you say. As always, be polite and academic.
Please respond to the initial post by March 5th. The Reply is due by March 7th, midnight.
My audience for this topic would be Corrections Administrators or officers in order to convince them of the success of juvenile boot camps.
ReplyDeleteAccording to The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, the definition of a juvenile boot camp is a facility that is geared for nonviolent offenders sentenced to a phase of six months or less. The program goal includes a regimented schedule that stresses discipline and physical training.
It seems like you have a pretty intricate and interesting claim that you want to explore for your paper. It also seems that you have a pretty straightforward idea as to what you are going to do with that claim. I feel a little silly offering advice because from your posts I think you are a pretty good writer. So keep on keepin' on. Just dont forget to dot the i's and cross the t's.
DeleteMy audience for this topic is individuals throughout society that seem close-minded and believe others are mentally ill or delusional if their beliefs are not the norm.
ReplyDeleteScientists suggest belief in conspiracy theories are nothing more than an extreme form of cynicism, a turning away from politics and traditional media-which only perpetuates the problem. Are conspiracy theories the result of a cognitive bias that allows for poor evidence-based judgments, or are they the result of an increasing "silent majority" that feel distrust in government and authority, and feel that being part of an "out-group" allows them to blame the "in-group" for their powerlessness.
Scientist Paul Whalen, studies a part of the brain called the "amygdala". The Amygdala jump-starts the rest of the brain into analytical overdrive-prompting repeated reassessments of information in an attempt to create a coherent and understandable narrative, to understand what happened when one feels a moment of powerlessness and uncertainty. Even though society labels believers of conspiracy theories mentally ill, the appeal and motivation toward conspiracy theories root from political cynicism resulting from science and cognitive dissonance.
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DeleteI really like your ideas in what you've written. it has an informative essence to them, and one idea leads nicely to the other. My suggestion is expand on your last sentence and remember to add the question mark at the end of the second sentence. Otherwise, keep it up, it looks good!
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ReplyDeleteSo I am not going to lie, I have next to nothing prepared for this post, let alone the definition section for my paper. Because of my papers "reboot", I am restarting with Phase One all over again with the new claim that Buddhism is not a religion but instead a philosophical mindset. My audience will be my philosophy teacher with this paper because I am writing this paper for a philosophy research paper. So all in all, while I do not have anything readily available to present to you all fine people of English 122, I do promise that I am starting to rewrite my paper now to properly prove my claim that Buddhism is a philosophy and not a religion.
ReplyDeleteAt Least you are being truthful. But i would give what knowledge you have on the subject to give the readers a clue on it in some way.
Delete“The power of introverts” Susan Cain interview/speech on the NPR website was my source. My audience is people who are interested on the topic or want to be informed of introvert’s vs extroverts in society.
ReplyDeleteSusan Cain strongly suggest to the audience that culturally we need a much better balance between these two types, introverts and extroverts. Some people fall smack dab in the middle of the extroverts and introvert spectrum and can call these people ambiverts. But most people recognize themselves as one type or the other. So then why are so many introverts feeling guilty about who they are? Schools are mostly designed for extroverts and their need for lots of social stimulation. Math and creative writing are not solo activities anymore, and that kids who like to work by themselves then rather a group project seem to be the more “problem” cases. According to Susan’s research a vast majority of teachers believe that the most successful student in the class would be an extrovert as opposed to an introvert, even though introverts get better grades and comprehend the material better. In workplaces obtaining leadership positions are usually passed over introverts even though introverts are more careful and less likely to take outside risk. Introverts are more likely to receive better outcomes than extroverts do because when they are managing employees they are more likely to let those employees run with their own ideas. Whereas an extroverts can quite unwittingly get so excited about things that their putting their own stamp on everything, resulting in some cases to not all opinions and ideas being heard to better the workplace as a whole. The US has recently been favoring the man of action over the man of contemplation. The twentieth century of new culture is being called the culture of personality from where we evolved from an agricultural economy to a world of big business. Charisma suddenly seems really important and a necessity to achieve someone’s goals in life. None of this is to say that social skills are not important, or that team work should disappear. Extroverts learning to do things and think things through on their own can help them a great deal. But the more freedom we give introverts to be themselves, the more likely that they are to come up with their own unique solutions to problems
I like the way you gave the example of the introverts and extroverts in the work place and in school. Though I did have a little trouble with, what exactly a introvert and extrovert are.
DeleteMy audience is people interested in how the justice system treats mentally ill criminals.
ReplyDeleteMental illness is a growing problem in the US justice system. Mentally ill offenders are mistreated due to their mental afflictions. Journal recources.org claims that disorders mentally ill criminals have are: bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, and anti-social behavior. The officers and prisons that care for these inmates do not have the proper training to deal with these mental problems. This improper training of the security staff in prisons often leads to the mistreatment and abuse of the mentally ill prisons.
You have a great theme going and it sounds like you're going in the right direction. I would be more specific though when researching which prison systems have the bigger issue of inmate mistreatment among the mentally ill in order to narrow it down. If you try to look at the prison system as a whole, you can find that some correction facilities do have programs to help with mentally ill inmates and also that the corrections staff do have the proper training to act professionally. Sounds good though and look forward to hear more about what you find out.
DeleteMy audience is parents of homeschooled children and parents considering homeschooling their children.
ReplyDeleteJerry Mintz, a leading proponent in the alternative education movement and founder of the Alternative Education Resource Organization (AERO), defines learner-centered education as “an approach that is based on the interest of the student rather than curriculum driven, where someone else has the idea of what you ought to be learning” (Ricci, 46). Learner-centered education allows children to not only educate themselves about subjects that they are genuinely interested in, but to also learn the material at their own pace. In this type of environment there is no need for assessment testing, and sometimes no need for a teacher. In the learner-centered environment the teacher is present as a guide or advisor instead of director or indoctrinator. Children are naturally curious and have a deep affinity for learning. Quite the opposite from the common viewpoint of many public school education administrators that often declare children to be scholastically lazy with no desire to better themselves.
I believe you have a great start, I am actually interested to know why there would be no need for assessment testing. I am not sure if you are going to explain why there would be no need for assessment testing and how successful (Aero) has been but it may help your paper expand more. Great job.
DeleteHere are a couple links that may interest you on recent events connected to home schooling here in the U.S.
Deletehttp://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2014/03/03/team-obama-wins-fight-to-have-christian-home-school-family-deported/
http://abcnews.go.com/US/home-schooling-german-family-allowed-stay-us/story?id=22788876
Michaela Pakenham
ReplyDeleteMy audienc is people that use social media networks and those wanting to know more about narcissistic personality disorder.
With the constant use of the internet, social media is becoming well known and looked to as a source of acceptance. According to author Sam Vinkin, writer of the book Malignant Self Love, we are living in a society fueled by narcissists. Vinkin has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and points out various traits of a narcissist. Studies have shown that social media has been used as a community for narcissists and the amount of people being diagnosed with the disorder has increased in correlation to the numerous social networking sites.
You should include Vinkin's definition of narcissism and compare it to a "textbook" or analytical definition. You could maybe even elaborate on Vinkin and some of his/her other accomplishments.
DeleteMy audience is any person interested in equal rights and more specifically, women's rights.
ReplyDeleteAccording to Sarah Jane Glynn, the Associate Director for Women’s Economic Policy at American Progress, In 2010 women who worked full time, year round, still only earned 77 percent of what men earned. This number has not budged since the 70's. Some of these numbers can be explained. Men and women sometimes hold different responsibilities in the workplace. However, according to www.americanprogress.org, 41 percent of the wage cap can not be explained.
In Nas's 2006 song, "Hip-Hop is Dead," he approaches the topic of Hip-Hop's mainstream music being "dead" in the sense that Hip-Hop's true message is no longer in the lyrics of today's rap stars. Rather, the lyrics in other rappers songs in 2006 promote commercialism, materialism, and the degradation of women. For example, one of the lines in his song are, "Oh I think they like me, In my white tee/You can't ice me, we here for life B." He quotes lyrics of a song from Dem Franchize Boyz "White Tee," and seems to mock them, and artists like them, in that their diamond coated materials are not real Hip-Hop culture, and that it can't overpower real Hip-Hop culture's individuals. Nas later says in his song. Even though songs from artists like Dem Franchize Boyz are what don't promote Hip-Hop's real message, Nas seems to still leave the fact in his lyrics that real Hip-Hop music and culture still exists, just not in the mainstream. Wouldn't this mean that Hip-Hop's true essence is still present in our lives and that it hasn't stopped? Even so, how impacting is the music that stays true to Hip-Hop compared to the music that doesn't?
ReplyDeleteMy audience are Hip-Hop enthusiasts or those who know about Hip-Hop, or don't, and want to learn more about it.
My intended audience is the persons in the united states which think they are overweight. Giving them a suggestions of new systems of dieting that may be perfect for them without ever knowing it.
ReplyDeleteMy research paper is centered around a Dr. Michael Mosley, he is the person that has main streamed this this new yet not so new process of dieting. Intermittent fasting has been around and under study for ruffly 20 years being studied on animals. Human studies hadnt come out until recent years. The diet is overall a healthy choice and in no way unhealthy for a fully grown adult, however, that being said there are people that shouldnt adopt this form of dieting. These are all things in which i will be going over in this essay.
To help with your paragraph I think putting more specific details like, what are the human studies, what is the new diet process and what is the credibility of the doctor, can give your paper a more balanced feel. Be careful of overused words and run on sentences. I was a little confused when you stated Intermittent fasting has been around and under study ruffly 20 years being studied on animals, because it seemed you just skipped out on defining what intermittent fasting is. And how it relates to your previous sentence. With all that being said I think you did a good job with having a pretty clear direction you want to go to accomplish this paper.
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